It seems like every month, some magazine or another is publishing an article detailing the sexual fantasies of either men or women. Sometimes both. This is nothing new...Playboy started doing it years ago. Most of the lists take the form of a "Top Ten" list ala David Letterman.
The problem with most of them falls into one of two categories...
Empirical Data Most of the lists are based on very fuzzy empirical information gathered from Internet surveys. Yeah, that's scientific. We are dealing with the personal preferences of a very small, random group and there are no controls. Shoddy science at best.
Lack of Credibility The "researchers"—and I use that term very loosely—have iffy qualifications. Degrees from the proverbial prestigious non-accredited online universities are common. Being a member of a number of 12-step programs is also common. Fact is, these are—by and large—not scientists by any measure.
Technically, I am a scientist since I have a total of five PhDs from real, regionally accredited universities. So, I'd like to take a few minutes of your valuable time to talk about some of these fantasies that are on most of the top ten lists.
One word of information...these lists are really aimed at the opposite sex. That is, men can learn a lot from reading about women's fantasies, and women can learn a lot about men by reading their fantasies. Think of this a mini "How-To" manual.
The following are grouped by sex and are in no particular order. It should be noted that I am talking about people who would call themselves heterosexual here.
Receiving Oral Sex Notice I said nothing about giving oral sex. Sorry guys. There are three facts here: First, oral sex is usually the fastest way for a woman to reach climax. Second, it is usually the most effective way for a woman to reach climax. Thirdly, for a fairly good number of woman, it is the only way they can reach climax. Besides, it feels really good. At least when done right. And that leads to my issue with this one...I hold that the vast majority of women who are unable to climax with other forms of sex have a problem with their partner. Guys, I love you to death, but most of you need to learn how to fuck. Sorry.
Men Finding You Irresistible Yeah, guys, we like to have you drooling like idiots when we walk in the room. And your cock so hard that you can't even stand up. And when we are wearing that old orange terrycloth robe that we got back in college. You get the idea. This is all about ego, and we like to have ours stroked now and then beyond you just telling us how gorgeous we are. Use your imagination, guys! Show us that you can't keep yourself under control.
Having Sex With Another Woman Yes, most women fantasize about this one. Happy, guys? There is a very big downside for men in this one, though...the reason we tend to like making it with another woman is because we believe that she will be able to satisfy us better than a man would. This goes right back to my theory that many men have no clue of how to have sex. Women figure that another woman has the same plumbing, and so she knows how to make it work.
Having A Fantasy About You Yeah, guys, we tend to have fantasies about you. A lot. We relive things you've done to—and for—us. We relive things we've done to—and for—you. Why? That's pretty simple. We love you, and we want you. And to be honest, having the fantasy allows us to have all the very best things any time we want them. The fantasies are also easier—and safer—than asking you for them.
Something We've Never Tried Before Obviously, this changes like crazy because every time we try something new, it falls off of the list. Some popular things that many women haven't tried (yet) include: Threesomes, Bondage, Voyeurism, Group Sex, and others. Some women will never actually do some of these things, so we have the fantasies. Most women won't bring these fantasies up to you for fear of being judged.
Being Paid For Sex or Something Like Sex There are two common variations on this fantasy...First, we like to imagine being a prostitute. Sometimes it's a down and dirty whore, others it's a very high-class call girl. The other is imagining being a stripper. In either case, it's an ego trip to have men wanting us so much that they are willing to pay for us. Yeah, yeah...I know. Maybe the guy doesn't want us so much as he just can't get a real date to fuck him. This is a fantasy remember? And it's our fantasy! And guys, this is an easy one for you to make come true for a woman...ask her to do a strip for you and stuff dollar bills in her underwear. Just make sure you get a raging boner while you watch her!
Having Romantic Sex This one is going to kill you guys when you try to fulfill the fantasy. In a nutshell, read a Harlequin romance novel and do all of that stuff. The man needs to be tough and moving from woman to woman. No one can tie him down. Then, all of a sudden and out of nowhere, along we come. He is taken by our stunning good looks. Then he has the best sex ever with us. Then he settles down, has 2.3 kids, gets a house in the suburbs and a job at a brokerage firm, and buys a minivan.
Having Sex With A "Faceless" Man Some of the top ten lists call this one "Sex With A Stranger", but I hate that name. Let me tell you about my fantasy in this class...I'm on a commercial flight and it's night, so the lights are very low. I have my seat reclined and I'm curled up in fetal position facing the window of the plane. I have a blanket over me because like all planes, it's a little cold. Suddenly, someone sits down in the seat next to me, and before I know it, he's under the blanket with me, clawing at my skirt and panties. Then, he's in me, and in a matter of minutes, he climaxes. Then, he's gone, leaving me in the seat with my skirt around my waist and my panties around my knees. When I look, no other passengers are moving about, and the flight attendants are all elsewhere. I have no clue who just took me from behind. But I liked it.
Sex With Another Man Usually, we fantasize about past partners—old boyfriends, ex-husbands, that sort of thing. Don't feel bad, guys. We're not putting you down or saying that we don't want you. We're just reliving something that excited us in the past.
Being Ravaged We women want a man to take us. We want him to be forceful and passionate, to have no control of himself because we are so damned sexy and gorgeous and desirable. BUT we want to be in control. We want to be able to stop this particular train if things get out of hand.
That's my list for women's sexual fantasies, and I hope that the men reading learned something. Now...
Watching A Woman Masturbate Yes, girls, men like to watch us play with ourselves. Why? Because they jack off every chance they get, and many feel guilty about having such a high sex drive, so seeing that we like to do it too makes them understand that we like to climax just as much and as often as they do. A slight twist on this is that men like to spy on us while we get ourselves off. They are curious about what we do when they aren't around.
Sex With Two (Or More) Women OK, is anyone surprised by this? Men have a general attitude and belief that if a little of something is good, then more is always better. So, if sex with one woman is good, then two women would be better, and nine women would be terrific. Without even getting into the emotional side, I have never known a man who could really satisfy more than one woman. But hey, it's his fantasy!
Oral Sex Again, is there a woman out there who is surprised that men like it when you give them head? There are three components to why that is...first, it feels good if you suck him right. Second, men see you on your knees in from of them with their cock in your mouth as dominating you. And third, maybe the most important thing, men like that they can trust your love for them enough that they can give you control of their three most prized possessions. But, there's something else that will floor most women...men also fantasize about giving oral sex to you. Yeah, most guys like to taste a woman and to drive her crazy. They know, probably unconsciously, that licking us pops our cork faster and better than almost anything else, and that makes them feel virile. Problem is that many men—maybe most—don't really know just how to do it right.
Fantasies About You Many women are surprised to learn that their guy has fantasies involving them, but it's true. Girls, they love us, and we're right there to make those fantasies happen for them. As the old saying goes, a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush. No pun intended!
Anal Sex Most men like to have anal sex with a woman, but that's not what I'm talking about here. I'm pointing out that most men like to have things put in their ass. The problem comes in that men are more subject to feeling homophobic than are women. Having something up their butt freaks out many men. In most cases, the man isn't imagining another man entering him. What he imagines is you entering him. Maybe with your finger. Maybe with a vibrator. Maybe with a 14" strap-on dildo. The details vary. And ladies, do some research on prostate massage. Trust me, if you do it right, he's gonna love it!
Having Sex With Another Woman This one is remarkably similar for both men and women. But there is one major difference in that men tend to imagine having sex with someone other than their ex more than women do. Maybe it's some girl from the office, or the waitress at Subway, or even some woman they just happen to see on the street. The key thing to remember is that he is in bed with you, not her. It doesn't matter where he gets his appetite so long as he comes home for dinner!
Bondage Sex Interestingly enough, nature has arranged a good symmetry here...most men like to tie people up, and most women like to be tied up. Funny how that works.
Sex With Another Man Yeah, guys fantasize about this. Most men will admit to imagining him and another guy with a woman, but the men don't touch each other, at least no more than is needed to do good double penetration of the woman. The fact is, many men also imagine full-on same sex sessions or those where the men do not only the woman but each other, too.
Exhibitionism This male fantasy is often coupled with the making it with two women gig. It usually involves him and his woman someplace more or less public, and they begin to have sex. Unknown to them, another woman is watching from the bushes (or the electronics department in the same Wal-Mart store), and gets so turned on by his expert performance that she decides to join the couple. It's an ego thing.
Ravaging This is another that meshes nicely with female fantasies. Men like to play the ravager, and women like being ravaged. On the other side of this coin, many men like for a woman to be the aggressor and to be themselves ravaged. There is one very sad situation where this is especially true...if a woman has neglected her man for a time, turned him down and avoided having sex for some stupid reason, she will need to be the aggressor just to get him to react at all. The same ego trip that makes men want to ravage a woman makes him ignore her when he fears being turned down. Remember, ladies, we have all the power.
So, folks, there you have it. Melodee's list of sexual fantasies for both men and women.
Maybe I'll talk about making fantasies come true next time...
Melodee Aaron, Erotica Romance Author
Melodee's Books at BookStrand