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Sunday, April 24, 2011

Life With Melodee - Part 7


People often ask me the same question:

What is it like to live with Melodee?

That's a pretty big and deep subject, and there isn't an easy answer. Like the old saying goes, it's complicated.

But I'm going to try to tell you a little about what Life With Melodee is like in a series of postings here on Melodee's blog.


Part Seven
A Dichotomy

di·chot·o·my/dīˈkätəmē/Noun
1. A division or contrast between two things that are or are represented as being opposed or entirely different.

In many, many ways, that fits Melodee. A few examples follow.

Graceful – Melodee can move with a grace and flow that looks a little like oil spreading across water. Most men, myself included, are amazed that a woman can walk in a long evening gown. Add 4” heels to that, and we are dumbfounded. Melodee can look likes she's floating when she does it. Think about this: Ginger Rogers did all the same moves as Fred Astaire, but she did them in a long gown, high heels, and going backwards. You see my point. Melodee skydives, and I have watched her. In free fall, she looks like a bird, probably a bird of prey, soaring and swooping with motions not unlike those of a ballet. When she lands, I have never seen her fail to plant her feet firmly and remain standing. In my time in Special Ops, I did more than my fair share of jumping out of airplanes, and I didn't do that every time I landed. I have seen people around Melodee drop things, and she will frequently catch the item in midair. She will just smile and say, “Reflexes like a cat.”

Klutzy – Usually, the best description I have for Melodee's motions is that they remind of watching a bird. You've seen birds flit and flutter around, darting from one place to another with fast, jerky movements. That's Melodee. She will often bump things with her arms or hips. She's well known for turning suddenly and running into the person walking behind her, or even into walls. She stumbles a lot over things that most people would just step over. Recently, Melodee broke her ankle. She was wearing 5” heels and she knows that I like the way the heels make her legs and butt look, so she was walking just a little sexier than she normally does. Melodee will tell you that she stepped on a rock and that twisted her ankle, but I was walking right next to her, close enough that I didn't have to move to catch her when she started to fall, and I didn't see any rocks on the sidewalk at all. Truth is, she was preoccupied with prancing and tripped over her own feet.

Intelligent – Melodee has five doctorate degrees: Physics (Theoretical), Math (Theoretical), English (Literature), Electrical Engineering, and Mechanical Engineering. While having an education does not make a person intelligent, you can't be dumb and do that. She talks about things sometimes that I can't even spell. After all, I'm just a dumb swabby. I've seen her sit with top scientists and keep up with them. She helps the kids with their calculus homework in her head. Melodee usually knows what I am going to say about two weeks before I do. And she does that to everyone. I used to wonder if she might be psychic, but I know now that's not the case at all. Melodee is so bright that she is always running the odds of events happening in her head, and she can predict just how likely something is to happen with good accuracy. Honestly, it's a little scary.

Ditzy – Melodee sometimes gets that deer in the headlights look. When she does, it's clear that she has no clue about what's going on around her. In the middle of a conversation, you'll look at her, and you know she's totally lost. I've had a number of theories about what was happening with that. One was that she was playing the “Dumb Blond” part for some reason. Another was that she really just wasn't getting it. For a time, I thought that maybe her deafness was causing her to miss a turn. But I've come to believe that Melodee will drift off in her mind to some other topic and just simply loses track of the conversation. She's not really ignoring you, she just had some thought that grabbed her attention away.

Conservative – Politically, Melodee is about two steps to the right of Rush Limbaugh. Maybe more. She believes in a small, limited government, particularly the federal government, and she believes in little, if any, taxation to support that government. She favors a strong defense and military, and firmly believes that the best defense is a strong offense. Her idea of diplomacy is something like, “...if you don't straighten up and fly right, we'll nuke you back to the stone age.” She has precious little patience for tyrants, dictators, liberals, socialists, and deficit spending.

Liberal – Melodee also hates a number of traditionally conservative positions. For example, she supports same-sex marriage, but in a round-about way: Melodee believes that government has nothing to do with marriage and that marriage is a function of the churches. If a couple wants to be married, that is up to a church. Add to that the idea that any group of two or more people should be able to enter into a contract that gives the group the rights and privileges that are now associated with marriage. In other words, not only does Melodee support same-sex marriage, she also supports polyamory and multiple marriages.

I'd better stop here. I have to sleep with Melodee.

Or not!


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